Foreplay in the Great Hall
by wonderwall05
Summary: In which two students snog during dinner, Hermione is propositioned, Sprout and Flitwick are found in the trophy room, Ron and Snape are left unconcious for their own well being and Dumbledore is too chipper for his own bloody good!


"Hey Gin-" Ron started to say but was roughly cut off.

"Don't talk to me." She hissed and he stepped back muttering something about that 'time of the month'. But Hermione noticed that her friend's eyes were narrowed in anger and she was glaring at some point across the hall. Hermione stood behind her for a moment unable to find who had incurred the wrath of Ginny Weasley. As Ron and Harry took seats further down the table glancing at the irritable red head occasionally as making sure she wasn't heading over to kill them, Hermione sat beside her.

Thankfully she had in her possession a certain amount of tact. Silently she placed food on her plate, and propped a book up against a jug of pumpkin juice. It would only be a matter of time before-

"I'm going to wring his stupid pale neck," Ginny hissed her glare if possible intensifying even further.

As Hermione had been thinking it would only be a matter of time before she exploded.

"Whose?" Hermione questioned nonchalantly not glancing up from her book knowing her undivided attention would make the other girl fidgety.

"Oh just the biggest arsehole in the world," Ginny said projecting her voice so there was a lull in the voices in the hall. Ron's head spun around to glare at her believing that he was the one she was talking about. "No Ron it's not you if it had the words 'idiot' and 'twat' would've been in there!" She practically screamed that one and Hermione just took a bite of her mashed potatoes chewing steadily.

"Besides him being the 'biggest arsehole in the world' is there any other things you can tell me about him?" Hermione questioned before flipping a page.

"You know the whole sly I'm-reading-my-book-and-not-paying-you-the-slightest-bit-of-attention act is terrible." Ginny said grumpily diverting her eyes for one moment to look at Hermione, whose eyes had gone all wide and innocent.

"Ginny if you're trying to say I wasn't paying attention," She tried to sound very put off and she scowled inwardly when the other girl rolled her eyes, "I'm sorry but I have an Arithmancy test on Monday!"

"God that would've been good if I couldn't read you like a bloody open book," Ginny snapped and Hermione made a mental note to never personally anger the youngest Weasley.

"I don't quite know what you're talking about Gin," Hermione said breezily sipping her pumpkin juice choking when she heard Neville muttering something that sound vaguely like 'death wish' repeatedly. Ginny and she turned to look at him incredulously, noticing their stares he squeaked and jumped up.

"Don't hurt me!" He wailed and took off out of the hall; they turned to each other completely dumbfounded.

"Well that wasn't odd at all," Ginny muttered.

"You're really scary you know Gin," Seamus said leaning across to her to grab the salt, with one swift motion of her elbow he had collapsed on the table his face in the scrambled eggs moaning. "Bloody hell my kidneys!" Hermione bit her lip to stop from laughing.

"So tell me about this arsehole," She said barely swayed by Ginny's anger, because she also had a temper to match Ginny's.

"Well," Her voice rose and she resumed her glaring, "Not only is he the biggest arsehole in the world, he's worthless at Quidditch-"

"Ginny you're such-" Ron's voice was cut off. Hermione sighed shaking her head sadly he never saw the goblet coming. Hermione heard Dean shout 'Good aim Gin' from further down the table but the girl continued.

"-he's got the brain of a flobberworm and the body of a five year old GIRL!" Hermione started as she heard a bang from the Slytherin table but she couldn't see who had made the sound, though she was worried by the triumphant look on Ginny's face and the sadistic looking grin.

"Wow he sounds like a prize Gin," Hermione muttered.

"What the hell did you just say?" Ginny shot looking scandalized, "A bloody prize? What does that mean!"

"Well I'm assuming this fit is because of some lovers spat!" Ginny's mouth dropped open before snapping shut, she narrowed her eyes.

"I don't like what your insinuating but I wouldn't touch that WANKER WITH A 20 FOOT STICK!" Hermione opened mouth to speak but her head whipped around to the Slytherin table when she heard a guttural yell.

"SHUT UP WEASLEY!" Draco Malfoy yelled his face a burning red and his normal perfect hair in disarray, his hands were planted on the table as he stood eyes fiery with suppressed rage.

"What are you going to do Malfoy? Huh? Going to come over here and shut me up!" Ginny yelled back now on her feet, this was apparently the wrong thing to say because he stepped over the bench and started striding down the length of his table, Hermione was surprised when she saw Ginny doing the same thing her wand gripped in her hand. Hermione glanced around wondering at the lack of teacher interference in this matter, she got her answer as all the staff watched dumbfounded, though Dumbledore did have that creepy knowing 'holier than thou' smile on his face and twinkle in his eyes.

Hermione saw another person detach themselves from the Slytherin table, someone she recognized as Blaise Zabini, Malfoy's best friend looking like he was ready to back his friend up. Hermione rolled her eyes standing up and rushing after Ginny, so much for not getting involved. She kept her eyes on the two people currently glaring bloody murder at each other as they strode forward wands in hand.

"I'm going to teach you a thing or two Weasley," Malfoy growled his voice husky and his eyes narrowed.

"What could you possibly teach me Malfoy? I don't want your advice on how to lose the Snitch, which as it so happens is your only talent!" Ginny hissed back, this seemed to incense Malfoy even further. Hermione had drawn up to Ginny's side and noticed Zabini had as well, a smug type of smirk on his lips.

"Stupid bird," She heard him mutter as the space between them diminished.

"That's not what your friend said last night Weasley," Hermione gaped as Ginny screamed rushing at Malfoy, who did the same. Ginny's hands reached for his throat but he grabbed her by the hair. It all seemed to go in slow motion for Hermione as Malfoy tugged Ginny's lips to his. It was a brutal, harsh kiss and Ginny's hand went to his shoulders and Hermione could see that they dug in bunching the material underneath her hands. The hall was silent and Hermione thanked any god that was listening that Ron had been knocked out by that goblet, because he would be killing Malfoy right now.

The kiss which had been anything but decent before escalated from a snog to sexual foreplay as Malfoy dropped his wand one arm wrapping around Ginny's thigh and drawing it over his hip while his other arm and hand went to grasp her arse. Hermione flushed bright red at their moans. She coughed slightly averting her gaze to the staff table. Professor McGonagall had stopped mid bite her mouth open and her fork suspended in its path towards her mouth, scrambled eggs falling steadily into her lap. Hermione was more than amused to see that Snape had apparently fainted, Flitwick looked scandalized, more than a little disturbed to see Sprout taking notes and even more worried as the new Defense teacher Professor Peter Pocket excused himself hastily holding his robes around his front protectively.

Dumbledore just sat head resting on his hand as if he was watching a rather interesting Muggle television program. Hermione felt someone sidle up to her and she turned her head quickly to see Zabini smirking down at her.

"Their going at each other like dogs in heat aren't they?" He said and they both cocked their heads to the side studying the pair.

"I believe I should suggest contraception of some kind or-" Hermione said worriedly.

"Don't worry love," Zabini said his voice husky and Hermione looked at him surprised as he gave her a once over, "I think they've got that covered." He then proceeded to give her a twice over and she stuttered intelligently (not).

"What -- you – voice -- " Zabini only grinned slipping an arm around her waist.

"Precisely love," He said his eyes smoldering thought Hermione was quite sure what ever had just spewed out of her mouth was nothing close to English.

"Broom closest!" She squeaked her voice shrill and Zabini grinned enthusiastically tugging her closer to him and starting moving towards the door.

"Brilliant idea!" He said and Hermione squeaked again.

"I meant I should suggest they move to a broom closest," She managed to say without a. stuttering (a lot) or b. drooling at Zabini.

"Well bugger me," He muttered downcast.

"Yes please," Hermione found herself muttering and she flushed horrified. Zabini looked her over before winking.

"That can be arranged," He practically purred and Hermione felt herself go weak in the knees.

"That should be illegal," She pointed out only earning herself another glare.

"You'll be saying that again later tonight," He murmured leaning and grazing his lips against the skin behind her ear. They heard a slight coughing and turned to see Malfoy and Ginny looking at them strangely.

"You two are disgusting," Ginny said apparently unaware of the massive love bite she was sporting or the buttons that had 'come undone' on her blouse.

"You're one to talk Miss. I-just-almost-shagged-Draco-Malfoy-into-the-ground." Hermione snapped.

"You forget I have no modest and wouldn't be the first time," Malfoy said smirking and Hermione pulled a face. She felt a hand slide onto the small of her back, and she turned to see Zabini sharing a look with Malfoy. "So finally ask Granger here for a snog I reckon?" Malfoy asked and Hermione watched Zabini grin wolfishly.

"I have you to thank for the opportunity of course."

"I don't know about you three but I'm leaving before everyone snaps out of their coma," Ginny said already half way to the door and Malfoy, Zabini, and Hermione all looked at each other before following with disturbingly similar grins on their faces.

The four weren't seen for the rest of the weekend. But no one dared enter the 7th year Slytherin boys' dorm, the kitchen after 11 o'clock, or that spacious broom closest on the 3rd floor.

Ron Weasley and Snape remained unconscious for all of it to everyone's glee. McGonagall revisited Mungos, Professor Pocket had mysteriously disappeared, Sprout and Flitwick were said to have been seen in the trophy room by one unfortunate 4th year that refused to speak more on the topic.

Not one broom closest was empty and the library was overridden with snogging couples, Madam Pince had been powerless to stop it merely plopping down with a bottle of whiskey and riding it out.

For some reason Dumbledore appeared even more annoyingly chipper than usual and could be found either whistling or doing the Charleston with a suit of armor.

A/N: This idea was completely random and the whole story put together rather quickly. Meant to be funny but came out stupid yet it amused me. I practically like the end parts especially Dumbledore doing the Charleston with a suit or armor (Random? Yes. Amusing? Yes. Realistic? Slightly. A delightful image? More like incredibly disturbing.) Pardon the grammatical errors, I did a quick once over, but sadly no twice over. So I guess what I'm saying is no flames cus I don't care.

Your feeling the affects of going to bed at 3 author,

Wonderwall


End file.
